It’s been nearly three weeks since my dedication. I have noticed many things, some subtle and some effing screaming at my face. For instance, I noticed that my skill with divinatory methods has risen considerably. Same with my intuition and magical prowess. I seem to be far more effective with anything intellectual and magical.
So why am I writing about post-dedicational chaos? Because I am in a chaotic state in all fields: emotional, mental, life… Everything in my life and myself is screaming and flying around as if on a Ride of Death. Things are changing, I am changing and everything’s in chaos. It’s not exactly a ‘lack of order’ type of chaos. It’s more along the lines of everything re-adjusting and re-forming under a different light. Still that is change in itself and chaos right there.
It is painful and unsettling. Terrifying and hostile. Yet absolutely necessary and needed. If nothing changed then the “update” I am receiving would overwhelm and destroy me. As a person I much respect told me, it’s due to being “downloaded” all sorts of stuff for the new role and job. I know that this is needed and will turn out for the best, helping me weed out problems and such.. but Gods-damnit it’s hard!
Thus, I kinda whine about it here… Hopefully this will be of some kind of help for others, even simply to show them they’re not alone (I doubt it -_-). I hope it will end before I go bonkers. Thankfully, I think Hekate knows my limits. Heck, She can even help me find myself again if needed, it’s within Her power! The best part is I can simply think about Her and I instantly remember the importance of all this.
By the way, is this a form of this dark night of the soul I have heard and read about?
ETA: The Dark Night of the Soul, generally speaking, is when you hit a place where you are so miserable that you think about throwing out all your spiritual practices, that nothing seems worth it, and nothing feels fulfilling. Thanks to Oakthorne for this clarification!